Ladies and Gentleman, Parasites and Germs... Finally the time has come for my Mighty Boosh/Horrors story [which 60% of people voted for out of three choices of a story]! Luckily, this fell out after I had been reading some Horrors stories here so it was kind of easy [the one about them all at school is funny!].

“Any other pointless things I should know about?” Howard replied from behind the counter as he leaned his elbows on it.

Vince jumped off from the counter where he was sitting down and stood by a rack that had various coloured coats and jackets hanging from its plastic frame. “That wasn’t it, though, something else happened,” Vince said, looking up towards the ceiling as a smile began to draw itself on his face. “It happened after the party was over and everyone went to bed.”

“And when you say ‘went to bed’…?”

“I mean slept on the floor and on the sofa, someone made it to the sink…he was very small.”

“Right.”

“Anyway,” Vince said, setting the scene by walking back and forth from the coat rack to the opposite end of the shop and then back again with a look of wonderment fixed on his face, “all the lights were off by then and I managed to save the sofa that opened out into a bed. So I was there lying down for what must have been about ten minutes trying to sleep, then I feel this arm around my waist but I can’t see who it is so I forget about it and fall asleep cause I was pretty wasted…”

Howard raised one eyebrow and licked his lips with his tongue, tasting the apple juice that he had recently finished.

“I remember kissing them and stuff a while after when I was still half-asleep but then I think I passed out and I don’t remember anything else after that…but they left something behind: two dark smudgy patches on the pillow and a few black strands of hair…”

“Oh so you’re a Goth, an electro boy, a punk, and a detective now?” Howard asked sarcastically.

“Howard,” Vince said, stopping his pacing and putting both hands on the counter, palms flat as he looked Howard in the eyes, “I have got to find out who that person was.”

“Why?”

“It could be one out of five people…” Vince said, ignoring Howard and pacing again. “I know it because no one else at the party had eyeliner on…”

Howard looked at Vince in shock: everyone that Vince hung out with always had eyeliner on.

“They don’t dress up for house parties, specially cause no girls were there, we had less of a reason to look nice.”

“You always need a reason to look nice,” Howard corrected. “Any reason at all: ‘What if I get hit by a bus and my doctors are attractive?’, ‘What if I get spotted on the high street on the way to the shops and have to do some photo shoots?’, ‘What if I catch a glimpse of myself in a car window? I need to be satisfied with the person looking back at me!’” Howard said in his best imitation of Vince.

Vince stopped pacing again. “Well I know I’m like that, but the others aren’t as extreme as that, they don’t give a toss if they’re just gonna be in someone’s house, it doesn’t matter to them. That’s the thing, it was only me and these five other guys that bothered…”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Because it was one of the best kisses I ever had.”

Howard coughed.

“Alright, grumpy!” Vince said, rolling his eyes at Howard’s jealousy with a smile. “I said one of the best, didn’t I?!”

Howard turned away and picked up a magazine that someone had left on the counter a couple of hours back after mentioning being late for a train.

“Anyway, I’m still a bit tired, I’m gonna take a nap upstairs,” Vince decided, walking past Howard and up the stairs.

Howard moaned as his only response as he continued to read about an article he didn’t care about in a magazine he didn’t usually read. He tried distracting himself by letting his eyes move across the words that he couldn’t be bothered to process in his head and thought of Vince again: it was always someone new with him and Howard was sick of it. In a small way, he wished he was as polygamous as Vince, could move between person after person like a spliff at a stoner’s party, each person wanting him more and more after they’d had a taste.

Suddenly…

A shrill laugh followed by smaller giggles erupted through the shop as some customers came in, each clad in black from head to toe and looking fairly similar (attire-wise) and each with thick eyeliner on.

One with massive hair bounced in first with a toothy smile fixed on his face as he ran to look at the records by the door, followed immediately by another one who was skinnier than the one with the hair and had a very neat bowl-cut. The others disappeared into various other sections of the shop while one of them decided which thing to look at first, hands in his pockets and then deciding to follow the tallest one, who also had large hair, but not as big as the one with The Hair.

“Rhys, they have capes!” one of them shouted in the direction of the two by the records.

“I’ll look at them later, bit busy!” the one with the bowl-cut replied.

Then the one with The Hair walked in the direction of Howard, eyes hidden by his fringe that was dyed blonde from the rest of his hair that was black like the others’. He picked up a toy bear that was on the side and started playing with it, never looking up from it like he was transfixed.

“I see you seem interested in that bear there, sir,” Howard said, trying to get his first sale of the day.

The guy simply looked up at Howard and raised his eyebrows.

“If you’re interested in that, there’s a whole collection of animals that you could buy to make a whole set,” Howard continued. “There’s a panda, a koala, a wolf, a gorilla…”

“How much is the bear?” the guy replied.

“That’s 7 euros,” Howard said.

“…Nah, I’ll leave it,” he replied, smiling cheekily and heading in the direction of the capes.

Howard frowned and continued to watch as they all busied themselves and continually swapped sides of the shop, only a couple staying where they were.

“Hey Howard, just realised I left my phone down here and…hang on,” Vince said as he stopped walking down the stairs and held onto the banister. “I know you guys!” he exclaimed, pointing at the men in black that had just entered. “You were all at the party last night, all five of you!”

The idea I pick will be written on the 5th of May, with credit to the person whose idea it was.

I've tended to say 'frick!' in place of 'fuck!' a lot since watching Scrubs regularly and hearing Elliot say it all the time... Anyway, here are some FRICK moments from Scrubs, and an extra special one at the end!

And, I love this kid...

And one more of Jack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ToBZ-Ap2g8&NR=1

Hey, I'm hyper on gum and Mindless Self Indulgence songs and this is funny with or without gum or anything that can make you hyper. I am so hot right now, it's so hot! This gum says sugar-free...fuck off, DOES THIS REACTION LOOK SUGAR-FREE?!

I bloody DARE anyone to watch this with a straight face.

One of my fave bits from series 3 episode 6 of The Mighty Boosh:

"So playful..."

Mindless Self Indulgence's frontman, he's so funny! I saw MSI last night and I really really enjoyed myself! I'm gonna mention them again because they even made me question if I like them more than The Horrors or not and I really bloody like The Horrors.

They've got a new album out next week and their myspace has a few songs off it and they're really good, I promise. Well, you'll like 'em if you're generally into the alternative/punkish/electro genre.

Anyway, Jimmy is an amazing frontman and he has all the qualities I love in a frontman and they are:

Good personality
Good appearance, usually with clothes
Involves the fans
Energetic
Unique way of getting through to people
Rebelious attitude
Funny

Wikipedia makes him sound like a right twat, so I won't link it but look if you like. He's alright when you see him in real life though, unless it's a tough crowd I guess, here's an interview with him:

http://www.shoutweb.com/interviews/msi0500.phtml

Shoutweb: What's the craziest thing you've done on-stage?

Jimmy: Um. Drink my own piss I guess would be the first thing. The thing I don't like about that is that when I do something like that, Steve [the guitarist] will do something as well, and people won't notice that he did anything. Like, I drank my own piss, but then he took the cup, and drank MY piss! I mean, my piss is my piss, if I'm drinkin' that, it's my piss, if he drinks it, it's somebody else's piss.

"Oh my god!! You are so beautiful! I want to travel to the future and fuck you in your purple outfit! Please don't soil it before I see you! And dont forget to wear clean underwear! ....Scene."

This is what someone said about seeing MSI for the first time and I can see what he means since I was an MSI live virgin before last Sunday:

The first time you see Mindless Self Indulgence live, you’re not ready for it.

Doesn’t matter if you’ve seen one of their videos, or if you own all their CDs, or if you heard about it from a friend, or if you masturbate to their pictures at night. In fact, once you’re at that last point, I think that might even make seeing their live show a little harder for you. None of this matters because there is nothing that can prepare you for MSI in reality. Once you step into the bar, club or arena they are playing in, you’re blasted in the face. Not by an overwhelming wave of pot smoke (although it’s highly fuckin’ likely too), but by what I like to call the “The Jimmy Urine Experience.” 

And a few pictures I found of MSI, they're really good:

 http://www.musicpix.net/index.php?module=PostWrap&page=Mindless_Self_Indulgence

And just because, here's Lyn-Z doing what she does best:

I'm at a conflict and it involves money, and I need help!!

Okay, it's:
 
Night out with Mike Fielding DJing vs. Nice shorts from New Look

And I can't do both because of money.

Mike DJing sounds like the obvious option to choose but:

I've already seen him DJ a few times
It costs more than the shorts [which are £18] and I don't have much money
I won't be able to afford drinks on that night if I go

And the shorts may be gone by the time I get paid again and it's hard to find good shorts that don't look shit...well, to me anyway. Plus, they come with a nice black scarf with white stars where a belt should be and I'm a sucker for scarves that act like belts.

Now, I CAN see Mike and buy the shorts if I go more overdrawn and use my credit card so I won't have to pay back a ton. HOWEVER, I'm not getting paid that much next month and for any more money to come out would still affect me, BUT if I buy the shorts when I do get paid [if they're there] then I'll have to pay for them no matter what anyway.

So: buy the shorts now or wait? I'm not sure which will mean more money coming out... I guess buying the shorts with my credit card now would mean paying less in the long run actually....

But to save money, should I go see Mike or buy the shorts?

I'm gonna try and collect money off my mates they owe me so I won't be overdrawn anymore when I put the money in, but I still can't afford the shorts and Mike!!

Right, I've even confused myself so here are the pros and cons of both things:

Mike

Pros:

He's a good DJ
I'll have a really good night out
I'll get to speak to him again probably
I'll get to see my friends

Cons:

Costs more than the shorts
Seen him already about 3 or so times
Can't afford drinks and it usually takes me longer to get into something if I'm sober
If I pay for this, I MAY have to pay double for my contact lenses [£30] if the money isn't in the bank, which it won't be, but this isn't certain, just very likely

Shorts

Pros:

They look bloody good and already come with an ace accessory
May cost me less in the long run
I've wanted shorts for ages

Cons:

I might be a bit jealous at having missed Mike and a good night out

I think actually I should get the shorts because I really don't have much money, but other opinions would help.... I have until Thursday to decide, which is when the gig is.

Yeah, you 'eard http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/youarea.htm

That site is so cool if you're bored, could be a useful tool if you want to write a random story too, I might try it sometime.

I am a great chick magnet who likes to nuzzle hulahoops

and

I am a buff dancer who likes to play with huskies

and

I am a funky manwhore who likes to end the life of ears

and

....

Okay I need to stop...no, one more:

I am a tender fruitcake who likes to infultrate wolves

If chavs insulted like this, I think I'd learn to like them more.

Okay hahahaha I just got an awesome one:

I am a yellow penis who likes to devour heterosexuals

I now have the internet all the time!! How genius is that? Very. Now I can reply wayyyy faster and update more.

Just wanted to tell people anyway, so go about your business now.

Frank Iero from My Chemical Romance said that I think, that's what I was told on the Horrors' forum anyway. He's got a point.

I'm am totally supportive when it comes to homosexuals; lesbians and gay men alike but what really pisses me off is how people are still being told it's wrong when it isn't. Yeah, religion says it's wrong and stuff but it isn't just that, people who aren't even religious are convinced that it's wrong and icky and horrible.

What REALLY gets to me is when it gets to the kids because I can kind of understand why the older generation have a problem with it because it was friggin illegal when they were younger so of course they were made to believe it was wrong, but the kids! I was at my sister's house a couple days ago and some guy kissed another guy in Family Guy I think, and both of the kids went, "ewwww!" and I think that's really sad [however, I don't know if it was because of kissing in general, but kids will still go ewww at gay people, I've seen it!].

But whose fault is it? is it the way the kids are brought up in their household? Is it the media? I know it's not the kids because if a kid was told their whole life that homosexuals were okay but straight people weren't, then they'd have something else to go ewww about. It's what they see and what they're told or taught that influences how people think. How do we know paedophiles are wrong? Because we're told they are!

Kids shouldn't have to be told that homosexuals are wrong when they're not! Sure, tell them that weird creepy strangers are to be left alone and to never give away personal information - things that are actually dangerous and beneficial for the child's well-being, but let them make up their own minds about people.

I honestly would even like to abolish homophobia in religion because isn't religion about happiness and being happy in life? If someone who's religious is too afraid to admit that they have feelings for the same sex then I think that's a problem. Let them be happy! It's awful having to live your life in shame for something that isn't even wrong.

Also, TV programmes about kids being too scared to come out, that needs sorting out too [thanks Erin] cause we all listen to TV don't we? We love TV, we let it rot our brains to mush and tell us things that probably aren't even true most of the time. If TV tells us gays are okay then are they okay? is that all it will take to make you listen?

I'm not religious so yeah, I'm slightly biased to the 'non-religious' side [and because I'm actually bisexual myself] but I think things need to change because things weren't as they were when these religious texts were written, A LOT has changed and gay people are a lot more accepted now, which is awesome, but it isn't enough. I don't want kids to use the insult "you're gay" anymore, or to accuse someone of being gay and for it to be a bad thing, even if they aren't. Is there ever gonna be a day when most kids go, "How is that an insult?" instead of, "Shut up! No I'm not!!" when called gay? Sure, say you're not gay if you're not but don't act so insulted by it.

A lot of people say that homosexuals are wrong because god doesn't want it or because it isn't natural, but a lot of things aren't natural and it doesn't make it wrong, just different; and what's wrong with being different? Society is too scared to stand out and be different because of acceptance from other people.

We all want to be accepted, right? For people to like us for who we are? Well can't everyone just accept gay people because it isn't wrong at all? Someone give me a valid reason for why it's wrong and if I can't think of a suitable reply then I might question my views but there's not a single thing you can say that will make me change my mind.

If homosexuals were harming people or endangering lives then yeah, that's wrong, but loving someone, no matter what sex they are, is okay. We're all human beings, just male and female, I don't think it matters at all which sex you like because we're all the same underneath it all: we're all human.

You know them stories I said were coming up? Well, I was gonna send them via email on my dad's computer but we had a bit of a falling out and I don't want to go round there anymore for a bit so unless I cave and decide to go, the earliest they'll get sent is the 22nd of April when I go back to 6th form.

I've delayed so much recently it's even annoying me but don't blame me, blame my dumb laptop for not working!

I know what some of you may be thinking: if I'm sending this then I must be at a computer and why can't I send them now? The answer to that is - this is a library computer and it doesn't save files on it or anything like that, it only has the internet, so I can't attach files in emails.

I'll have typed up the second Horror story by then or near then too so that'll get sent the same day or the day after.

x

Cause I promised to announce any gigs I'm going to so people are aware of them and if you guys like what I like, you'll probably like it!

12th April - Dee Plume DJing
Where? Chalk Farm, basically the edge of Camden Town
Venue? Barfly
Price? £8 on the door, £5 online

20th April - Mindless Self Indulgence with Robots in Disguise
Where? By Tottenham Court Rd. tube station
Venue? Astoria
Price? About £15

[MAYBE] 24th April - Team Awesome night: Mike Fielding DJing with other bands and DJs
Where? Kilburn
Venue? The Good Ship
Price? About £8

19th May - Tim Minchin DVD recording
Venue? Bloomsbury Theatre in London
Price? About £15

Oh and Simon Amstell is doing a tour! I'm going in June in my hometown [Reading] but there are many other dates too so go see him if you like a bit of Amstell!

More will be likely to be added so check back and stuff.

x

To make up for the lack of Horrors/Mighty Boosh story a bit,  I've already completed a Horrors one and a Chris Corner/Noel Fielding one and am in the middle of a follow-up to the Horrors one.

Descriptions:

The Horrors one is called Underneath it All and basically Faris and Josh are together and he kicks off after Josh mentions something that was meant to be private so Rhys goes to comfort him, resulting in something that Faris definately shouldn't know about or Rhys would be in for it. Rhys and Joe are also together in this one.

The people already on the story subscription list [not to be mistaken for the subscription list for this blog] will already be getting these so there's no need to ask for them if you're already on.

They'll be ready to send later this week cause I still have to type up the IAMX one, but if anyone wants them they're going to have to comment on this post and say they want it and it'll be emailed to them! Cause putting them up on here would take up LOADS of space.

Hope these make up for lack of Horrors/Boosh story!!

P.S. anyone can ask for them, not just the regulars.

x

Is this what some of you MAY be thinking?

Yeah, I promised I'd do a story soon involving The Horrors and The Mighty Boosh because that option is winning by quite a few votes, so I guess that wins, yeah? [Voting is STILL open though, I link it a few pages down so go find it cause this computer doesn't copy and paste...grr, bummer].

My laptop is still broken and we found out today that it's quite bad and will cost like £400 to repair so like they gave us a couple of contact numbers to see if other companies can sort it out for cheaper. *sigh* I am not feeling so hot right now cause I bloody love that laptop.

What this has to do with the story, you say? Well, seeing as I have no regular internet access, if I started it before the laptop is fixed then it's likely to not get updated regularly. I mean, I have an hour at the library and the parts usually take about that amount of time or longer. I go to my dad's sometimes to use his internet but it isn't always convinient so I don't know what to do.

But tell you what, I'll start it when I get an idea together and see if I can update it every week, if I can't, then you'll just have to bear with me if it takes a little longer. Are you guys prepared to do that? Good plan, yes? No?

I'll be online tomorrow at my dad's to check this to see what people say.

P.S. I AM NOW ABLE TO GO TO THE ROBOTS IN DISGUISE AND MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE GIG AT THE ASTORIA THIS MONTH! See some of you there?

x

Tim Minchin was on a show called Comedy Cuts on telly a few days ago and it's basically him miming [instruments and all] along to his song So Fucking Rock. It's cool check it out:

If you don't know him, seriously check out his other songs and stuff on youtube or wherever because he is a very talented performer, musician and comedian.

Loves it.

Electric Ballroom, Camden Town! The effing SohoDolls are supporting!! Holy shit-nuts it's gonna be good!

Who else is going? You should be, why? IAMX and SohoDolls are awesome.

PICTURRRRRE!!

Oh yeah yeah yeah, also on topic, I'm in the middle of writing a fic about Noel and Chris Corner. Basically, someone from the Boosh forum found an old story from The Sun about Noel wanting to go to today's IAMX gig so badly that he begged for tickets [lie? You decide...come on, he has connections and could easily get tickets] so now in the story, Noel begs Chris for tickets and it all gets a bit raunchy...

I've only gotten as far as Noel thinking of the gig and then Noel ringing Chris up to ask about it, and their conversation that happens. Have a bit from what I can remember [only the speaking parts are included, there are actions and stuff, it isn't this one-dimensional, promise]:

"...Hello? Noel?"
"Eyyyy Chris, what you up to? How are you?"
"It's five fucking thirty in the morning."
"I know, I couldn't sleep and was wondering...your gig's only next week, you know, the one in Camden? And I was wondering, have you got any spares? I mean, we ARE mates and all, yeah?"
"Noel..."
"What if I buy you some Haribos?"
"Noel, not now..."
"Well yeah, obviously not now, I'll pop round later."
"No I mean, can we not talk about this now? It's five-thirty...no, five thirty-two!"
"Oh okay, can I come round later then?"
"Yeah whatever, just let me sleep?"
"Alright."
"Thank you."
"So is that a yes or a no to Haribo? Cause I'm gonna pass Tesco's on the way to your flat anyway and I could just easily pop in and get some--"
"Goodbye Noel."

Not accurate as hell but closest as I could get and I only wrote it 8 hours ago so it won't be that far off.

Anyway, I reckon I could get that done by tomorrow, seeing as I'm at this gig tonight. It's quite funny writing about a gig I'm going to only in about 7 hours.

Later. x

No, this isn't a plee for one or something silly, so get away if you think it is...go on, get awaii! Homophobes can get right out too.

Basically, I've been thinking about this a lot since my last relationship and I might never get a chance to have a girlfriend ever. This isn't one of those 'I'm straight but wanna see what it's like from the other side' things...if those things even exist, which they do. Shut up, I can make sense...

I have never had a relationship with a girl or gone beyond a kiss but because I'm more comfortable with picking up guys, that's what I'm likely to be doing for a long time and all I wanna do is see what it would be like to be with a girl. In my last relationship, I wasn't allowed to do anything apart from kissing with girls (which, let's face it...the guy was entitled to that rule) and in a way I thought, if that relationship were to be a long-term thing then I would never get to experience that for ages and it would be a bit restricting,

I only want it because I only properly admitted to myself that I was into girls when I was 16 and for all those years it's sort of been pent-up frustration because I wouldn't admit it to myself and now that I have, I want to explore.

I want to try and explain myself more because I know what a lot of you could be thinking:

She's doing this for attention
She's fucking about
I'm convinced she's straight but just wants a bit of fun
She's bored

All of those are false.

I wasn't even gonna blog this but I've not had much to blog about recently and am more reluctant to blog when I don't have my precious laptop...

I watched this documentary on BBC 3 about this woman wanting to see what it was like to be a lesbian, but she was stright. It kinda made me want a girlfriend more actually, but it was really interesting. It explored the idea that all women can have lesbian feelings and I agreed. I kind of want it to be like the documentary but with me actually being bisexual, not straight like she was.

I wanna see how much into girls I really am and to see what it's like to be with a girl because if I never ever get to experience that, I'd feel like I've missed out on something I could have really liked. I just don't wanna lose that opportunity, you know?

Oh and this doesn't mean I'm giving up on guys or don't want a boyfriend next, I'm just saying it'd be pretty awesome to have a girlfriend for a change.

...Goth girls and girls that are rockers are hot.