This is just what came to me after Erin copy and pasted part of an article that said Russell was pirate obsessed or something. The second bit is because she told me Russell sleeps with Matt sometimes. Not in a sex way, in a literal sleep way. I found it cute. ^_^

I like doing these so expect more at some point. I've done others I put on here too, you'll just have to find them, muahaha!

On a pirate ship in the middle of the sea…

Russ: “You’re a pirate now, Matthew!”
Matt: “Woop-de-doo”
Russ: “And I dub thee sir—Hang on, what do you mean ‘woop-de-doo’? …S’not very enthusiastic, is it?”
Matt: “Well what do you expect? It’s not very glamorous.”
Russ: “It’s as glamorous as you’ll get, Maffoo! You were once but a cabin boy but now see how you rise? All thanks to me, that was.”
Matt: “Yeah yeah, soak up all the glory.”
Russ: “You say that like I’m some sort of sponge…well, I aint one.”
Matt: *sigh*
Russ: “And as part of your pirate duties, I shall expect you to go ‘arrrr’ a lot.”
Matt: “Okay.”
Russ: “Do some pillaging.”
Matt: “Yes, yes.”
Russ: “And when the time comes, just a little bit of rape.”
Matt: "...Do I HAVE to?"
Russ: "Yes, Matthew, we're pirates!"
Matt: "Why did I let you talk me into this? I know what you're like as well."
Russ: "Because I have the persuasion power of a god?"
Matt: "What god forces their best mate to rape??!?!"
Russ: “I do! Clearly you’ve not been listening.”
Matt: “Yeah but you’re not a god, are you? You’re a smug egotist in ridiculous clothes.”
Russ: “How dare you! I’m paying your keep, I could stop it at any minute!”
Matt: “I didn’t ask you to!”
Russ: “I was being generous, weren’t I?? I knew you couldn’t afford it, not as a lowly cabin boy, anyway. I took you in as one of me own!”
Matt: “You only did that so you could brag about it like this later on, didn’t you?”
Russ: *sings* “May have…”
Matt: “And if you think I’m gonna submit to this ridiculous request, you’re wrong.”
Russ: “Not even if I sing?”
Matt: “Especially not if you sing.”

*

In Matthew’s bedroom, Russell comes in unannounced…

Russ: “Matt....Maffo? Maaaaatt!!”
Matt: “What is it?”
Russ: “I can’t sleep.”
Matt: *sigh* “Why not?”
Russ: “I had that dream again, you know…”
Matt: “When you walk down the street and no-one recognizes you so you get no sex?”
Russ: “That’s the one.”
Matt: “Well what do you want me to do about it?”
Russ: “Can I sleep in ‘ere with you?”
Matt: “Again?”
Russ: ”Please! If I have that dream again, who’s gonna comfort me?”
Matt: “What makes you think I will?”
Russ: “Because you love me.”
Matt: “Uhhh, Russell!”
Russ: “Not in a gay way!”
Matt: “Fine, come on then…”
Russell smiles and jumps in
Matt: “…Why are you naked?”
Russ: “It’s the best way to sleep.”
Matt: “Can you not do it when pressed up against my back, though?? I can feel your bits all on my spine!”
Russ: “That means I like you.”
Matt: “Uhhhhh!”